Signs You Might Be in a Codependent Relationship (Part 1)

Relationships are supposed to be fulfilling, right? But sometimes, they start feeling less like a partnership and more like an emotional hostage situation. If you’re bending over backward to keep your relationship afloat—at the cost of your own well-being—you might be dealing with codependency.

Codependency is sneaky. It starts small, like always checking in on your partner’s feelings before acknowledging your own, and before you know it, you’re prioritizing their needs so much that you forget you even have any. If you’re wondering whether you’re in a codependent relationship, here are some telltale signs:

1. You Constantly Put Your Partner’s Needs Above Your Own

Sure, relationships involve compromise. But if you’re always the one bending, stretching, and completely reshaping yourself to accommodate your partner—while they stay exactly the same—that’s a problem. You deserve to have your needs met too, not just be the unpaid intern in your own love life.

2. You Struggle to Set Boundaries

If saying “no” makes you break into a cold sweat, or you feel like setting a boundary is the same as betraying your partner, that’s a red flag. A relationship without boundaries is like a house without walls—eventually, everything just spills into one big chaotic mess. Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect, and part of that respect is knowing where you end and your partner begins.

3. You Feel Responsible for Your Partner’s Emotions

Are you the unofficial emotional support human for your partner? Do you feel like it’s your job to keep them happy, calm, or functioning? Listen, supporting your partner is great, but when their emotions start dictating your every move, that’s codependency creeping in.

4. You’ve Lost Yourself in the Relationship

If someone asked you what you like to do for fun and your first thought was, “Uh... whatever my partner likes?”—Houston, we have a problem. A healthy relationship should add to your identity, not consume it. If you’ve ditched your hobbies, friends, and dreams to revolve around your partner, it’s time to take a step back and reclaim your individuality.

5. You Feel Like You Can’t Function Without Your Partner

Sure, love can be absolutely amazing, but if the thought of being alone for a weekend sends you into an existential crisis, that’s not romance—that’s dependency. A strong relationship is built on two whole, independent people choosing to be together, not two people who think they’ll spontaneously combust without each other.

6. You Enable Your Partner’s Negative Behavior

Do you find yourself constantly making excuses for your partner’s bad behavior? Covering for them when they mess up? Trying to “fix” their issues, even when they’re clearly not trying to fix them themselves? That’s enabling, and while it might feel like love, it’s really just keeping both of you stuck in an unhealthy cycle.

7. You Experience Anxiety or Fear of Abandonment

If your brain is constantly running worst-case scenarios about your partner leaving, and you adjust your behavior to prevent that from happening, you’re operating from a place of fear, not love. Healthy relationships make you feel secure, not like you’re constantly one argument away from disaster.

8. You Seek Constant Validation from Your Partner

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to hear “I love you” regularly, but if your entire self-worth depends on your partner’s approval, that’s a slippery slope. Your value shouldn’t come from someone else—it comes from you. Because you’re awesome - duh!

9. You Feel Like Your Life Revolves Around Your Partner

If you’ve sidelined your own goals, friendships, and dreams because your partner’s needs always come first, it’s time to re-evaluate. A strong relationship should be two people building a life together, not one person living entirely for the other.

10. You Feel Unappreciated or Taken for Granted

If you’re the one doing all the emotional labor while your partner coasts along, blissfully unaware, that’s not fair. Relationships should be a two-way street, not a dead-end road where only one person is doing all the work.

So are you in a co-dependent relationship? If so, read Part 2 to find out what you can do about it.

You got this!

-Taylor